Hey There, Fucker.

Hey There, Fucker.

-------------------- Started: April 20th, 2013 --------------------- --------- For all you shallow teenagers out there. ---------- Welcome to my life.
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The Time I Was Locked Out Of My House (sort of)

April 20th, 2013 (FIRST POST)

So today, I met up with my friend to see the movie 42 (it was awesome, btw). My parents and brother were going to be out late, so my mom texted me to let me know that there would be a key under the mat at the back door so I could get in when I got home. 

The movie wrapped up at around 9pm, and since the party we were going to go to after was cancelled, we head our separate ways. I decided to walk home since it was pretty close to the theatre. I picked up some food from Starbucks (I was starving and no other places were open, ok?), and headed home. 

There were a surprising number of rowdy kids roaming the streets that night, but I’m pretty sure I looked super cool and intimidating with my Caramel Macchiato, so I wasn’t too worried. 


I get home, and make my way to the back of the house. I figure this is a perfect time to make use of my iLight app on my phone. So I have my light on, and I lift up the mat. Nothing.


Uh, what? Okay, must be under the mat at the other back door.


Um, shit?

What the FUCK is going on.

I have no way of getting into my house, its below freezing, and no one is home. 

I call my mom. No answer. Then my dad. No answer. I alternate between calling them for a good 5 minutes. Nothing. What the fuck, parents; are you raving right now? No? Yeah, didn’t think so. 

So, then I decide to call my brother. I will reveal that he happens to be 13 years old. He doesn’t answer either but calls me back a minute later:

"Hello? ______?"

"Hi. Where are you?"

I hear loud noises and music in the background. Huh.

"I’m at Ben’s." (He says this in a very ‘can we please end this call so I can go back to my friends’ sort of way)

"Ok, well, mom and dad aren’t home and I’m locked out and I don’t know what to do, do you have any idea where she put the key?"

”______, I’m at a party. Just figure it out.”

Might I first mention that at this point, I’m getting pissed. Not only am I freezing and about to piss my pants, my little brother is talking as if he’s the shit, and I’m some lowlife telemarketer that just called to harass him. 

"Shut the fuck up, you’re thirteen. This little hoo-ha that you’re referring to? Yeah, its not a party. But whatever, go back to your life-changing game of juice pong. I’ll figure it out."



Then I hang up.

Well fuck. 

And boy, do I have to pee. Long story short, I did turn my backyard into the facilities, if you know what I mean.

About 40 minutes later and several angry texts to my parents, I figure I may as well look around for the key some more. And what do you know, 10 minutes later I find it under a pot. Under a pot in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AREA IN MY BACKYARD. 




So I go inside and eat my food.


2 hours later, the rents arrive.

Mom comes into my room.

"Oops, we’re really sorry hun!"